Finding myself and doubting it...

Finding out yourself is a feeling of completeness. Yet there is a doubt that remains in the mind. A creeping thought of self doubt and unsurety. It is this that ruins you leaving a bitter taste at the back of the throat.

When the world says you are good, it helps to feel good. But there is still something missing. This missing link is the self-confidence. Like a boat without an anchor... it can float and never sink but it can't stop. It just drifts.

I hate this feeling of drifting. It makes me feel less in control and the self-doubt conveniently creeps in .. slowly..surely.
NM

Of Love and 'Les Miserables'

Sometime what is written about love is beyond mush and sweet nothings. It is deep, profound. Some references of love in Les Miserables by Victor Hugo are such. And when told by someone you love, it acquires a different meaning. That's when you realise its meaning, which is different from reading - because here you experience it. This is what touched me.

"I met in the street a very poor man who was in love. His hat was old, his clothes were torn. There were holes at his elbows. The water passed through his shoes and stars through his soul!"

"To reduce the universe to a single being, to raise that being almost to the level of god, this is love."

"Certain thoughts of love are prayers. There are moments when whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees!"

"Woe alas! to him who shall have loved bodies, forms, appearances.Death will take all from him. Try to love souls, you shall find them again."

And my most favourite sentence. It says so much in so few words...

"You who suffer because you love, love still more to die of love, is to live by it."

Solitude or Loneliness?

So solitude leads to roses? But what happens when there is too much of it? Loneliness?

The conditioning done in life answers this question. Have I always lived with a lot of people around me? So many that now being alone is scary. Do people who live alone get used to the solitude or born that way?

In any case there is no reason for me to feel guilty about my solitude/space. One which a lot of people dont get though they deserve it. They just continue spending their lives in the anonymous yet familiar crowd of eyes.

Of solitude and space

Today I got my little space in the window of fleeting thoughts about the world in general. This is what solitude gives you. The luxury of being yourself. I rubbish the saying of an idle mind is a devil's workshop. Rather it is the garden where refuse translates into the most beautiful of flowers.

Ever wondered why cemeteries have the most beautiful of flowers growing? they lie on the huge heap of life's rubbish, the garbage that life leaves to its dead body. Where the dead have all the space and solitude they want to ponder over their lives and there blooms the freshest of springs.
NM